Discovering you have been married to a child molester is not an easy path to have to walk:
• You will be blamed and often have behaviors and characteristics attributed to you as the cause of his being a molester
• You will be held accountable, and will have to participate in the legal morass, and may have to contribute or have your own income attached for costs and settlements
• You must comply with court orders, even those you don’t agree with or that restrict you and your activities.
In other words, your life dramatically changes from the day you first find out what your husband has been doing.
Many women find their friends and family members get angry and abusive. They may even take it out on your kids or become hyper-protective of your children or theirs. And they may well not believe anything you say, no matter how sure you are that you are telling the truth about what has just happened.
You’ll hear about research that’s been done, but be careful about where and how the “research” has been conducted.
Some of the research may be what are called opinion polls. The “researchers” ask people what they think is true.
So the respondents particularly when the poll is conducted by victims of childhood sexual abuse, but also general findings from the public, will reflect their own experiences or what they have heard about from others:
• Almost always respondents will blame the mother or say she went along with the abuse rather than was protecting their children.
• Many will insist the spouse of a molester had to have known, and by implication it then becomes all the wife’s fault for not stopping him and/or for encouraging him.
• Most often these surveys typically overestimate how many children were molested by strangers, and underestimate how many by friends and family.
However well designed and carefully administered research studies conducted by professionals:
• Validate what spouses of child molesters know: most wives don’t know about the molestation. Or if they did they acted quickly to protect their children.
• Uncover how husbands or boyfriends go to great lengths to keep what he was doing from their spouses and other family members
• Well constructed studies of men who molest children show they match the profile of the average American man: They are not the strangers we learned about when we were kids, but are more often than not employed, married, enjoy an intimate life with their spouse, attend religious services regularly, and have children of their own.
For more information about child molesters, be sure to subscribe to video series. In the next several weeks you will learn about the questions women ask about being married to a child molester and the questions they should be asking. Just fill in the form on the right side of the page in the blue box. Of course we will keep your information private.
Have you signed up for your complimentary copy of the eCourse written just for women who have been married to a child molester? You can also suggest your friends and family members find the information helpful too. Just add your name and email address to the form on the right. You’ll be glad you did.
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